How do I change my parents' health habits? (and other questions)

Happy Wednesday, y’all!

I asked for your questions last week and have 5 that I’ll attempt to answer today. There’s a wide range of topics, from setting up multiple monitors to convincing your parents to change their health habits- hopefully one is helpful for you. Let’s jump in!

1) How do I change the health habits of a loved one? My parents are both getting old and they’re pretty unhealthy, but whenever I bring up things they could change, they get annoyed.  - Josh L.

I’ll preface my advice by saying that habit change, especially with parents, is hard. Their habits are tied to 50+ years of learned behavior, and it can be weird for them to get advice from their kids.

I’ve failed many times trying to change my parents’ habits; sometimes you just won’t be able to.

But I have had some recent success helping my dad eat healthier, which I’ll use as an example. Your situations will be different than mine in many ways, but hopefully there are some general principles you can take and use!

My dad was diagnosed with Parkinson’s 10 years ago. His doctor told him that exercise would be key to slowing its progression, so he’s exercised regularly ever since. But the doctor never said anything about food.

Without pressure from a medical authority, he felt zeeero urgency to change his diet. He never learned how to cook, so he runs on Frosted Flakes, Cheez-Its, the Thai place across the street, and whatever my mom cooks for dinner.

I’ve wanted him to eat healthier for a long time, because I know that, at minimum, it’d make a difference in how he feels day-to-day. Best-case, it would provide him some relief from some of his Parkinson’s symptoms and prevent other chronic health issues.

So what helped turn things around?

• Focusing on one thing at a time: I tried to flip his diet on its head years ago, but changing multiple things at once was overwhelming for him. This time, I wanted to focus on one thing: finding a healthy breakfast meal he could always fall back on. My Mom cooks his dinners, and breakfast tends to influence what we eat for lunch, so breakfast became the focus.
  

• Asking questions to spark awareness: For the longest time, my dad was in the ‘precontemplation’ stage - he hadn’t even considered that his diet, rather than his Parkinson’s, could be driving some of his grogginess throughout the day.
  
  One day, he crashed and fell asleep on the couch after his usual cereal breakfast. He mentioned that he always gets tired after eating breakfast, so I asked him, “Have you noticed if you usually feel tired after eating eggs or does that just happen with the cereal?” I also shared a story about how when I switched from cereal to Greek yogurt after college, I noticed I rarely crashed. I left it there.
  
  Don’t push; plant seeds. Share stories, not solutions. If your loved one hasn’t considered change, weighed the pros and cons, or asked you for help, they might not be ready for direct advice yet.
  

• Leading by example: My dad recently visited me in Austin. My girlfriend and I made healthy breakfasts for the three of us each day. By the third morning, my dad asked, “Can you make me one of those yogurt bowls from yesterday?” Sometimes the best thing you can do is keep modeling the behavior you want to see in others, and hope it rubs off on them over time. If they start asking questions, that’s a good sign.
  

• Reducing friction: All of the breakfasts we made during his visit took less than 2 minutes to prep, and didn’t require any cooking knowledge. I knew he could make them all at home, even with his limited mobility from Parkinson’s. Most importantly, they tasted great to him! The more you can attach a behavior to what someone enjoys and what’s easy for them, the more likely it is to stick.
  

• Empowering them to make decisions: People want to feel like they’re choosing to make changes, and are the architects of their plans. Rather than telling my dad to make one of the recipes when he got home, I asked him, “Are there any recipes you think you’ll try to make when you get back?”. On a phone call with my family a few weeks ago, I learned that he’s been regularly eating the yogurt recipe and also feels noticeably better in the mornings!
  
  (P.S. Super easy recipe: Bowl of Greek yogurt + peanut butter + half a scoop of chocolate protein powder, topped with a boatload of berries/fruit of your choice)
  

2) You’ve talked about how reducing carbs (like going from burrito → burrito bowl) can help minimize crashing during the workday. What else can I try if I don’t wanna give up carbs lol. - Anant M.

Again, I love carbs. I’m the biggest pasta and rice advocate you’ll find, so I’m never going to tell someone to stop eating carbs, or cut out foods in general.

If you’re crashing a lot and don’t want to reduce the amount of carbs you’re eating, I’d think about two things:

1) What sources of fats/protein/fiber can you add to the carb-heavy meal?

Going back to the burrito example, if you have a burrito with only rice, beans, and cheese, maybe you can throw in some fajita veggies and avocado. The fiber and fats should reduce the blood sugar spike, get you some more nutrients, and you can still have your carbs.

2) How can you use the pre- and post-exercise windows to your advantage?

Our bodies are more resistant to blood sugar spikes right after exercise. Maybe if you’re craving pasta, you can save it for dinner after your gym session rather than the middle of the workday when focus is more of a priority. You could also consider shifting some of your carbs before an exercise session to help fuel yourself.

3) How many monitors is sane? For me, two seems to be the sweet spot, but I’ve found that even then it’s a whole calculus equation figuring out height/angle/etc. to keep my neck and back from slouching or tightening. - Ryan C.

The dual-monitor setup requires more thought than the solo-monitor setup, but you can make it ergonomically friendly for sure. The main thing to consider is if you use one monitor more frequently than the other.

If you’re doing most of your work on one monitor, I’d recommend centering the main monitor (as well as your mouse/keyboard) and putting your second screen slightly off to the side. That way, you’ll spend the majority of your time aligned with one monitor and can minimize the amount of neck-turning, which could lead to the tightness you’re mentioning.

If you use both monitors pretty equally, I’d recommend centering yourself between the two monitors, with the monitors angled slightly in towards you. And as much as you can, try to turn your whole body towards the monitor you’re using rather than just your neck.

In either scenario, setting the center of each screen at the same height (ideally eye-level with the top of the screen) and the same distance away from your face will minimize eye strain & any need to lean in towards the screens.

My job rarely requires looking at more than two windows at a time, so I just use one monitor and split-screen it.

I do know some people can get away with working straight off a laptop- no wireless keyboard, no monitor, no ‘ergonomic’ setup- because of how much they move around. They change locations throughout the day, take walking calls, and occasionally work standing with their laptop elevated.

The more you’re planted at your desk, the more important this setup calculus becomes because your body is locked into a fixed position relative to your monitor(s) all day. I can’t stress enough how important it is to get up and just move around, even if you build out the most ergonomic setup possible!

4) I’ve been working a desk job my whole career. For the past 3 years, I’ve been battling terrible back and neck pain. What would be your recommendation for starting to solve this? -Shilpa A.

If you’ve been dealing with chronic pain for that long, there may be something bigger to get checked out. But in the meantime, taking care of the basics can only help:

• Consistent movement throughout the workday (sit less)

• A good ergonomic setup for when you are sitting (sit in a less-taxing position)

• Sleeping 7-9 hours a night (unless you have that gene that lets you run great on 5 hours of sleep)

• Strength training 1-2x per week to start

I learned a ton about the root causes of my pain, and made progress on multiple injuries by working with a physical therapist, so that’s worth a shot as well.

Each US state has different rules about physical therapy. Some states, like my home state of North Carolina, allow you to meet with a physical therapist without any sort of referral or prescription. Other states require some sort of doctor referral. You can see how your state handles PT here.

Check your company’s benefits to see if they offer anything around physical therapy, or if your insurance plan covers PT sessions. My last company had a free virtual physical therapy, and I’ve heard that big tech companies like Meta even have in-house physical therapists (insane).

And don’t forget to use your wellness/remote work stipends! A lot of companies still give those out. Even if you don’t have a company policy, it doesn’t hurt to ask if they’ll cover a monitor, a better chair, etc.

5) My mind often races about work before I go to bed. When I wake up, I don’t feel well-rested. I have a feeling it’s because I’m buzzing right before I sleep. Any advice for fixing this? -James S.

Sleep is a funny thing because the worse your sleep is, the more susceptible you are to stress, which can make your sleep worse, and the cycle goes on. Similar to the neck & back pain question though, it’s out of my scope to diagnose the root cause.

I’d recommend seeing if your company offers any sort of therapy or mental health coaching benefits, which could certainly help get to the root of what you’re dealing with.

What I can help with is sharing what I think are the most relevant sleep best practices for your situation:

• Create a wind-down ritual for yourself. If you’re going straight from the stimulation of work to lying in bed, maybe you just don’t have enough buffer to settle down. Take a shower, read a book, do some yoga, or talk on the phone with someone.

• If something’s still on your mind, talking to someone or writing about it could allow you to plant the thought elsewhere for the time being.

• Get on a sleep schedule. This has been the biggest gamechanger for my sleep - going to sleep & waking up around the same time helps set your internal clock, and makes it wayyyy easier to fall asleep at a given time.

• Exercise and make yourself physically tired! If you’re physically tired, you may not even have the mental energy to ruminate about work.

Thanks for making it this far. If anyone has follow-up questions or additional advice to pass on beyond what I mentioned, send me a reply!

Talk soon,
Nico